"The mind games of rocks"
I like that although this poem is about something few people can directly relate to, it has been made relatable through thoughts that are common to everyone. It's also cool that something as simple as a rock has been turned into this complex being that torments the soul so intensely. I am a little confused by the last four lines of the third stanza. I think I understand what is being said, but it's wording could be made more understandable. Overall, though, I think this is a super poem.
Ode to Nyquil
This is fantastic. It's a topic that is so ridiculous, but one that everyone can relate to. The description of the contrasting emotions is great. The "supposed cherry flavored lies" line is awesome because everyone has been there. And I love the last two lines. The idea that this entire nonsensical poem has been written because the writer was loopy on Nyquil is genius. Way to go Kirsten. Way to go.
So I'm not sure what the Sonya law is on posting things that aren't class related, but I thought these websites were in desperate need of sharing.
http://www.ordinarycomics.com/
http://www.birdandmoon.com/55words/guest103.html
Read and love.
Lost Keys
This is something everyone can relate to, and the questions asked like "In the refrigerator?" are awesome because everyone knows that desperation. The only thing I would suggest is trying to add more feeling in it. Right now it kind of seems like a list. What is this person feeling? Other than that, I really like it's simple structure. The "Okay, let me think: If I were my keys, where would I be?" Is great, and it might even be cool to just cut out those first couple lines and just start with that. Then add the part about how keys are only lost when you are in a hurry after somewhere.
Shadow
I like the concept. Certain lines are really powerful. "Stealing, dealing, selling herself to the night" although, I would say that selling oneself to the night is kind of cliche. But the rhyming of the first two words is powerful. "No one could confiscate her jovial demeanor." Something about the way those words flow together really works. The only comment I have is that the transition between popular girl and drug addict is pretty abrupt. I'm not sure what could be done to fix it, but maybe even a line or two could smooth it out a bit.
"It was way too soon when you were snatched from this world"
Well, for starters, I really like the first line. I like the idea that he was healthy, so the narrator feels like he was stolen from the world. But sometimes I felt like the rhyming was kind of forced, though. Like the heads swirling in the second line. It gives me a funny image that takes away from the effectiveness of the poem.
"As I stand here looking back at you"
I like the "who is this girl?" repetition at the beginning of each line. And the indecisiveness is captured really well. How does the writer know that her boyfriend is cheating on her, though? It seems like it is something she just all of a sudden thought up in the first stanza, then proceeds to get more and more upset over it, even though it could very well not be happening. Which actually would be a funny approach, but I don't think that is the point of the poem.
The Dry Fountain of Creativity
I was pretty lost in this poem. I think I get what was being said, but the poetic aspect of it was lost on me. I'm not exactly supreme grand ruler of intellectual understanding, though. So it's possible that I'm just kind of dense.
Heart and Mind
I really love this poem. "Knowing him, I cannot do without." That is so spectacular because it is so simple, and it feels like something I should have heard a million times by now, but I haven't. And the whole poem connects so well to understanding without much explanation. I really don't have anything negative to say about it. Oh, except maybe the last line of the first stanza. The rest of the stanza emphasized that you had a knowledge about love, but never the feeling. But then the last line says "never known." Perhaps something was meant by that that I missed. Hats off, though, for this poem.
Rupert
I like the name change, and I like the idea of the poem. I think the poem is ended really well, too. The only thing I would really say about it is that the fourth stanza...er....3.5th stanza? The one about the "sea of knowledge" seems strange. Because if the book wants to share its knowledge with someone, then it doesn't want to be eaten by the dog. Or perhaps the dog was meant to ingest the knowledge along with the paper? Maybe if it was a meal of knowledge or a snack of knowledge. Those aren't very good examples. Anyway, I thought it was super. And I like the name Rupert a lot. For a poem, or a dog, or anything. It might be a good ferret name.
Bamboo
I'm glad the eternal struggle of growing bamboo has finally been brought into the light. I like the simplicity of this poem and the rhyme scheme seems really fitting for some reason. It reminds me of something else, but I can't quite put my finger on it. But I feel like "you just don't seem to fit" seems forced. And towards the end from the line that begins with "You" to the line that ends with "small" seems awkward to me. Something about changing it from second to third person doesn't feel good. And as far as the actual issue of the bamboo, I heard that you have it for some ridiculous amount of time, and it never really grows, then all of a sudden it just shoots up like 20 feet or something in a matter of a couple weeks. But I don't remember where I heard that, so don't quote me.
The sweet unknown
I thought the imagery was really pretty: the moonlight spilling upon the sea, and the whole idea of sailing on forever. The first stanza is amazing, but I think to some extent, the rest of the poem just kind of hangs out. There is some really great stuff in the other three stanzas, but they don't connect for me as well as the first one. Part of that might be that some of the repetition sounds a little out of place. Mm, I think I sounded too harsh, but I really do love this poem.
I miss you like the sun misses the moon
I like the rhyme pattern. It gives it a cute element. It reminds me of that kids' book about the father bunny and the son bunny who are arguing over who loves the other more. I don't know what it's called, and I suppose if you don't know what I'm talking about, then it's not a very helpful comparison. I really like that the poem is getting upset with the title. Title was out of line, and I'm glad Poem let him have it. Really, I don't have anything negative to say. Super duper job, Alex. :)
"I know what a painful feeling it is when you've been working on something forever, and it feels done, and you give your story to someone you hope will validate this and that person tells you it still needs more work." P.163
I think a good way to help overcome this feeling is by not finishing anything with a couple days of when someone else will be reading it. I have started trying to finish writing pieces a week or so before they are due. This way, I have ample time to look it over and realize it is not as amazing as I thought it was when I first finished it. Over time I start to see it more realistically and maybe even come to terms with the idea that someone could conceivably read it and not yell out in ecstasy over it's amazing sentence structures and brilliant syntax. And after I touch it up a bit, I can show it to others without ridiculous expectations.
"Also, an occupational hazard of writing is that you'll have bad days. You feel not only totally alone but also that everyone else is at a party." P.157
This aspect of writing is the only reason I still do it. Anyone who has gone through these phases (which is presumably everyone who would be reading this) knows that they have counterparts that are made infinitely more amazing by them. The terrible moments make you feel absolutely ridiculous for even trying to write and angry at anyone who mocked you along the way by telling you they liked your writing. But they are completely necessary in getting the kind of satisfaction that made you love writing in the first place.
"The truth is that there are simply going to be times when you can't go forward in your work until you found out something about the place you grew up, when it was still a railroad town, or what the early stages of shingles are like, or what your character would actually experience the first week of beauty school." P.147
I think Anne is referring specifically to times when it is impossible to keep writing because you need the information in your story, but often irrelevant information can be equally as distressing. Sometimes I will be writing (or studying, or doodling idly, or what have you) and a question will come to mind, and I won't be able to focus on anything other than what the answer might be. Although I suppose now more than 1994, I can just Google it and know the answer in a matter of minutes, without having to call anyone at all.
