Responses to Peer Group's Nonfiction Essay Drafts

Alex's Draft Essay

Alex has begun a wonderful essay-- I love every single part of it, from the subject to the setting. The way he conveys his thoughts upon waking up is great-- he makes almost scientific observations of himself and goes through a critical thought process. My favorite part is how he realizes he is not living up to his favorite moto, carpe diem. The way he descirbes how he came to love that phrase is beautifully written. The physical descriptions he gives are fantastic. This is great!

Tom's Draft Essay

Tom has a great beginning to his essay—there is a ton of great physical description, such as the curtain with its “thick red felt-like material that’s purposely made to look older than it is” and the descriptions of the intense lights and crowd. Tom has set the scene really well—I feel like I am watching this on a screen as I am reading it. I get a real sense of how he was feeling before he went on stage to perform his music. There are a few places where grammar might be improved and things expanded on, such as descriptions of his band members. Aside from that—great job!