Responses to Classmates' Nonfiction Essays 3/26
Alex’s Essay “goodmorning”
I absolutely love this piece! It is amazing how Alex traces his thoughts upon waking up in such an engaging way and weaves in personal reflections upon life and himself with such finesse. Those few minutes after waking up when everything is quiet and calm can be a reflective moment in which deep thoughts come to the surface. Alex captures this experience so amazingly and with such a sincere voice. Sincerity is wrapped up in so many techniques that Alex so skillfully uses, like the questions he asks himself, when he makes fun of himself and sort of scorns his current state, and the sense of his emotion in every turn of thought. There are also little ironies and humor that run throughout. This entire piece is beautiful and refreshing to read. I love when Alex describes how he came to love the phrase “carpe diem” and his later reflections on what that phrase truly means to him. The language is beautiful on page three when he delves into abstract thought on the nature of being: it does not matter that these are all abstract thoughts because the language is so engaging and rich. One of my favorite parts is when Alex sits down at two in the morning and paints his beautiful painting. The surprise at the end is great and ends the piece with a lot of energy. Alex sets every scene so perfectly from the very beginning with that first ray of sunlight that wakes him. Very impressive.
Tom’s Essay “Don’t Suck”
I really like this essay—there is an incredible amount of detail and imagery that set the scene perfectly. The ways Tom looks at himself form the outside and observes the scene as if it is happening in the present is very effective and nicely done—I started getting nervous for Tom as he finally went out on stage. The tension builds steadily throughout this piece. I like how Tom explains certain actions that he does before a show. They are explained as sort of rituals and they allow us to gain insight into his character, such as when he says, “I try not to listen to any music on the way so I can build up my anticipation. I feel like I play better that way.” All of the physical details are simply phenomenal, and I feel like I am watching television as I read this essay. The ending is great and leaves off with a lot of energy. Specifically, I really like the line, “It’s organized mayhem.” This is a sort of theme throughout the essay as all of this anticipation and anxiety is running through Tom’s mind but he knows he can handle it because he has done it before. He has rituals that have been shown to us from the beginning that he engages in to gain control. This essay is great and I really enjoyed reading it. The only thing I think might be useful to add would be to expand on the history of your band—where did you meet your band members? Do you always get along? Where do you guys usually practice? I think just a few sentences on these types of questions would enhance the story. Great job!
Ashlee’s Essay “Hurricane Ashlee”
Ashlee does a very good job in this piece of conveying how close she and her papa were and what a profound effect he had on her memory. I really like the images Ashlee discusses that connect her immediately to memories of her papa. Her discussion of the two swings really makes it clear how active her papa was in her life. These swings are physical images of childhood play, and it is very engaging how she attaches such sentimentality and sincere emotion to them. Music is an element that for a lot of people brings back immediate memories, as it certainly does for Ashlee. Her discussion of this is very engaging. Her discussion of color, another image that often works as a catalyst for memory, is very well done. So many images of childhood are brought up in this piece and they effectively bring us right back to Ashlee’s past as her papa pushes her on the swing. Her black and white oxford shoes, frilly socks, and dancing with a much taller papa create a very charming scene. The joy, genuine love, and simple fun portrayed in these scenes give us a lot of insight into the close relationship between Ashlee and her papa, one very worthy of being written about. I also like how Ashlee begins and ends with the cemetery scene. The transitions flow smoothly, and the Hank Williams song at the end is a nice touch. The only alterations I would suggest are a few grammatical considerations and sentence structure in certain places. Other than that, this is great!
Micheal’s Essay
I think this is an interesting topic to write about—often times, high school programs are put on about serious issues like drunk-driving, smoking, drugs, etc, but it is personal experience that causes true realization and internalization. I like the description Micheal gives about the high school students migrating to the parking lot while he walks alone—it might be interesting to expand on this, such as show how the other students are acting and why Micheal is walking alone. Are the students bored, disinterested, glad to have gotten out of a Socratic seminar (as I would have been)? It might also be effective to expand more on how the car wreck scene affected Micheal specifically. This could cause a greater contrast with the emotional upheaval he experiences later on in the story. I like the scene where Micheal is playing videogames—he seems very relaxed and at ease, which contrasts very well with how he feels after the phone rings. The dialogue between Micheal and his mother is also effectively done—it sounds quite realistic. I like the ending because it is very sincere. I really believe that his mom’s wreck had this effect on him, and I totally understand that. I also like how Micheal learns something meaningful from this personal experience. This is a great essay—expansion in certain areas would make it even better.
