Responses to Classmates' Nonfiction Essays 4/2
Sara Davis’s Essay
“A.J.’s Lessons in Life and Death”
This is an absolutely beautiful and touching essay—I have no negative criticism for it. The inspiring and optimistic outlook on life that A.J. had is really well described as his heart-breaking situation is developed. The transitions flow very well and the whole piece reads very smoothly. It is amazing that A.J. rose over $50,000 for that hospital—that is phenomenal. I love the part that discusses why A.J. had this terminal illness: he “was an angel on earth and God needed him back.” I also like how A.J.’s “kindness and generosity” never surprised Sara; this really conveys how genuinely A.J. was a good person. Sara does a great job in this essay of relaying A.J.’s story in a very sincere, effective way and also of getting across how A.J.’s life and death have profoundly effected her to this day. I am sure this was a really hard subject to write about, and it was done very impressively. Wonderful essay!
Amanda P’s Essay
I absolutely love this essay. It is written with such sincerity and every single paragraph is completely engaging. I love Amanda’s writing style-- it is so natural and nothing ever seems contrived or forced. So much energy and awesome imagery runs through every paragraph—the morning routine of the campers is described so well. I saw everything happening in my mind as I read about the kids playing with hula hoops and skipping around with jump ropes. All of these elements are developed so well, but what I am particularly amazed by is the story of the little girl Victoria. The characterization of this child is so great; the way Amanda conveys how this little girl’s heartbreaking situation affects her is also very well done. The latter is probably my favorite aspect of this essay—her voice is so genuine when she discusses what was thinking and feeling when talking to this little girl. I love how her desire to help this child affected her so emotionally and physically. The “thick, nauseating adrenaline” she experienced before her tears “spilled” into her voice effectively conveys the extent to which she was invested in helping Victoria. I also really like how her resolution that “today” would be the day to “overcome” turns into the realization that “today was her decision.” This essay is beautiful and a joy to read!
Amy’s Essay
“A Court Date”
There are a lot of things I like about this essay, first being that this seems to have been written with a very honest voice. When reading this piece, I feel like I am getting real insight in this part of Amy’s life and seeing her perspective. The way that Amy goes back and forth with her feelings toward her father and mother throughout the essay is very well done. The contrasts between her mother and stepmother are very effective, as well. There is a strong theme in this essay of an internal struggle responding to external forces that are pulling her in different directions ; this begins to be developed in the very first paragraph as she tells her mother “what she wanted to hear” when she is being “drilled.” This sense of internal struggle is very strong in the court scene when she feels pangs of guilt and feels like a liar. Everyone can connect to this on some level. I like the inclusion of the poem—it adds a very cool dynamic. The ending is very well done; I like the surprise of how suddenly things are okay with her mom and it is her dad and stepmother who are the ones she wishes not to see. I really like this essay a lot; the only thing I might suggest would be for Amy to introduce the frustrations in her relationship with her mother on page one before she suddenly decides to move in with her dad. The way is is written now, the “overwhelming rage and frustration” toward her mother seems to have come out of nowhere. Other than that, this is great work!
