Responses to Classmates' Poetry 2/27/08

Erica Campbell’s Poems

“Me”

I admire the strong voice in this poem—never for a second does the determined tone back down. I really like the whole idea of the internal self being immune to outside forces and that the external, such as things that you own and your name, are not aspects of the true self, of your essence. I think some of the strengths in this poem come from the many uses of the negative words “but,” not,” and “or.” They really work well in the poem to convey the idea with power. The only thing I would even think about revising would be to say “do not” instead of “don’t” in stanza three. That might emphasize the message even more.

“There once was a little girl…”

There are a number of things I really like about this poem. The transition in the third stanza is really good because it is unexpected and causes mystery as to what happened in the fifth or sixth grade to this little girl. The personality of the little girl in the first two stanzas in contrasted very interestingly with her personality in the last three. The extreme contrasts are made very clear. Her sense of knowing and expressing her identity at the beginning is contrasted with being utterly lost and voiceless in the end. I especially like the reversal of the “beautiful butterfly” to the caterpillar—it’s very creative and makes the poem end with a lot of meaning.

Jamee Lowery’s Poems

“I Love(d) Money”

I like the sense of an internal monologue going on in this poem and the tone of frustration as the speaker considers his relationship with money. The subject is interesting and certainly a lot of people could connect with its message. I like the way money is personified and a whole feeling of angst is created as the character and value of money is considered. One suggestion I have would be to alter the wording of the last two lines, “weather” and “sweater.” That threw me off a little bit, but I think the poem is strong right up until that point.

“LOVE????”

I like how this poem opens up with a question that, although consisting of only one word, automatically brings with it a vast amount of issues and possibilities. There seems to be a sense of being perplexed yet also of detachment, which the speaker makes clear in the middle and last stanzas when he says he does not get attached, and the “girl” is given no personal connection or identity. I think the second line of the poem is interesting, as well, because on one level it might be inviting readers to ponder on the issue, or it could be accusing us of not knowing what love is. The only thing I might suggest would be to break the lines up a bit to create a stronger sense of detachment and uncertainty.

Kirsten Anderson’s Poems

“Ode to Nyquil”

This poem is simply awesome. It is automatically great because the subject is so surprising. There is so much humor in this poem and it flows beautifully. I like how the speaker’s conflicting emotions towards Nyquil are consistently emphasized and how it is both “friend” and “foe.” There are so many great lines in here—I love “noxious nectar” and how it is “enough” to make you say “eww.” Hilarious! I cannot find anything I would change about this poem. It is very refreshing. (not Nyquil, the poem J)

“The mind games of rocks…”

I really like the subject matter of this poem, too. The whole idea of rocks having “mind games” is very interesting, and the tone of frustration is very strong throughout the poem. I like how the speaker is questioning herself in stanza two. The reference to “blueschist in Greece” has a cool effect. This foreign reference seems to emphasize the sense of being lost or stranger to a subject that “had once been so fun.” There is also a sense of sarcasm at certain moments in the poem that I like. The only thing I might alter would be some of the punctuation or lack thereof at the endings of some of the lines, such as in the last stanza; a dash might be cool after “cruel” and no dash after “headlines.” But that’s just picky stuff—this poem is great.